Skip to content. A real-life scenario that addresses the question: Is there an ethical obligation to tell the betrayed spouse if their husband or wife was having a sexual affair? While many of us will do our own snooping to catch a cheating spouse, I believe that there are many cases where it is necessary to hire a professional.
This post By Sarah P. A rift in the marriage can occur that takes months, years, perhaps even a lifetime to overcome.
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If you wish to divorce him if you find proof of infidelity, then it makes little difference how you discover his adultery. If you wish to save your marriage if you learn he has strayed, there is a great deal of difference in how he will react to how you found out. Typically, no one reacts well to being caught. Often, they focus their own hurt, frustration, and anger on something other than their own behavior.
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If you accidentally discover it because you find a slip of paper in his pocket or happen to see a text come in on his cell, he will be angry with you for emptying his pocket or seeing his phone. However, because he knows that you were only preparing his pants for the cleaners or that he left his phone where you could easily see, that anger might soon be directed elsewhere.
BUT… if he realizes that you spied on him, all his anger will be directed toward you. It happens because of all the emotions tumbling through him. He knows that he may lose his reputation.
He may be humiliated before all his friends and family. He may even be emotionally involved with the other woman and suffering an intense conflict between wanting to be with her and knowing he should do the right thing. Each of these causes pain. This kind of pain inevitably leads to anger, and this kind of anger needs a target.
If you have hired an investigator, my experience over many years tells me that you will become that target.
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Of course, he should direct his anger at his own actions and straighten himself up. In time, he may. However, if after he has been caught he can focus on your having had an investigator follow him or that you spied upon him with other means , then he will concentrate all the torrential emotions within him into a laser beam of fury onto you.
If he already considered leaving, this will give him impetus to do so. If the other woman tries to coax him to abandon you for her, it will give her leverage. If he wishes to stay, it will give him ammunition to hurt you as badly as he feels hurt, despite the fact that his adultery hurt you to your core. As already indicated, if you intend to divorce him if you find he is unfaithful, hire the investigator, because you will not care how angry he becomes.
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If you love your husband and want your marriage to survive even if he has strayed, I strongly suggest that you do not hire the investigator. Tell him of your worries. Make sure you do not accuse as you do. The idea is, express your fears and insecurities without accusation. See if you can get him to be honest. If your fears continue, increase your requests.
Over time, if his actions do not reassure you, ask for more validation of his commitment to you. If you cannot, then seek counseling before hiring an investigator. If you marriage comes to an impasse, you can call us at We will listen, and we will help if we can. Your email address will not be published. Joe is a personal friend who has a wealth of information. That is where I recommend you start.
Blessings to you. Hi Michelle, I am so sorry to hear this. Being part of a strong church community is helpful during times like this. I am problems with my marriage and would like some advice who can I reach from your service to help me.
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Very helpful. However, another person can be seen kicking the car and attempting to smash the windscreen.
The people told the son that he should not hit a female, but he just went on busting the car with bricks while the lady was in the car. The whole event played out like an episode of the US series Cheaters , where suspicious partners catch their cheating other halves in the act. Perhaps this is what we can expect when South Africa gets its own version of the show next month? Terms and Conditions. To understand the fate that awaits Mavila, we have to take a look at how he found himself guilty of Our offices are for administrative purposes only, no visitors will be accepted without an appointment.
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